“Life is too short to spend another day at war with yourself” I say to myself daily.
My mind spends about 99.9% of the day in an internal battle with itself (and probably still does it in my sleep).
Me to Me: What if that really bad thing happens?
Me to Me: It won’t happen.
Me to Me: But what if it does?
Me to Me: Well you’ve got me there.
I can have an internal battle with myself about when to get my haircut.
It seems to be the only thing I’m good at… but at the moment I can’t seem to get out of these wars, they are consuming my mind and the negative side always bloody wins. And I’m getting very fed up of it.
Normally I can think myself out of it with a nice cheesy positive thought but recently they just aren’t working.
“You are always haunted by the idea that you are wasting your life.”
I’ve always hated the idea of wasting my life so I have all these ideas of what I could do to make it ‘meaningful’ and then I just end up doing nothing and having no motivation to do any of these.
Then again what defines ‘meaningful’? I have a good life, good family and boyfriend, I have the opportunity to go on adventures and holidays but yet I always seem to feel that there is more out there, somewhere.
Is it my job? Do I want a more fulfilling job, one that doesn’t feel like it is meaningless, is that what is making me feel that I am wasting my life?
Because I’m more than happy just lounging around with my fave, so is it more of a question of who you are doing stuff with instead of what you are doing?